


Dream SMP as Incorrect Quotes

by LuckyMagicBelle



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Canon Relationships, Dadza, Dream Smp, Gen, Incorrect Quotes, Karl is Done With Everything, Parental Captain Puffy, Parental Sam | Awesamdude, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, can we remove their real names from the character tags, will be updated at random
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29741025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyMagicBelle/pseuds/LuckyMagicBelle
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Rated T for language.Skeppy:How do tall people sleep at night when the blanket isn’t long enough to cover you?BadBoyHalo:Skeppy, it’s four o’clock in the morning.Skeppy:So, you can’t sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?---Dream:Sorry for intruding, but--Technoblade:On my house or just my life in general?---Philza:So what’s for dinner?Ranboo, staring at the food he just burnt:Regret.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 236
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These incorrect quotes refer to the characters these content creators play, not the actual content creators themselves. Any relationships that are implied or portrayed by these quotes are fictional.

**Wilbur:** Someone here is a traitor.

**Tubbo:** Don’t worry, I got a plan.

**Wilbur:** Alright. 

**Tubbo:** Traitorsaywhat?

**Fundy:** Excuse me?

**Tommy:** Huh?

**Eret:** What?

**Wilbur:**

**Tubbo:**

**Eret:**

**Eret:** No wait--

**Tommy, holding a python:** Guys, I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

**Wilbur:** You did _what--_

**Technoblade:** William Snakespeare

**Philza:** Please bring home _PURIFIED_ water with _NO_ minerals added for taste.

**Technoblade:** We got spring water

**Philza:** NO.

**Wilbur:** With EXTRA minerals.

**Tommy:** It’s like licking a stalagmite!

**Philza:** DON’T COME HOME.

**Technoblade:** Mmmmm cave water

**BadBoyHalo:** Everyone, synchronize your watches!

**Skeppy:** Make me.

**Quackity:** I don’t know how to.

**Sapnap:** Bold of you to assume I wear a watch.

**Karl:** Time is a construct.

**Philza:** Good morning!

**Wilbur:** Good morning.

**Technoblade:** Good morning.

**Tubbo:** You all sound like robots. Try spicing it up a bit.

**Tommy, bursting into the room:** MORNING MOTHERFU--

**Dream:** You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

**George:** Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

**Dream:** I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SAPNAP WITH ME!

**Sapnap, picking up the monopoly board:** Okay, I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

**Tommy:** Tubbo, I’m sad.

**Tubbo:** *holds out arms for a hug* It’s gonna be okay.

**Wilbur:** Techno, I’m sad.

**Technoblade, nodding:** mood.

**Dream:** How many kids do you have?

**Philza:**

**Philza:** Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

**Technoblade:** I’m gonna need a human skull and I can’t have you asking any questions why.

**Dream:** Only if you don’t ask why either.

**Dream:** *pulls out seven pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

**Technoblade:**

**Dream:**

**Technoblade:** This one is fine

**Skeppy:** Fuck.

**BadBoyHalo:** We’ve got to work on your cursing.

**Skeppy:** Why? I’m pretty good at cursing already.

**Tommy:** He’s a theif.

**Technoblade:** Thief.

**Tommy:** _Theif._

**Technoblade:** I before E, except after C.

**Tommy:** Thceif.

**Technoblade:** No.

**Tommy:** I was arrested for being too cool.

**Tubbo:** The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

**Philza:** Techno was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

**Technoblade:** Well, they shouldn’t say ‘all you can eat’ if they don’t mean it.

**Philza:** Techno, you ate a chair.

**Sapnap:** Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

**Dream:** Oh, I’m always running

**Dream:** The question is from what

**Wilbur:** What’s up guys? I’m back.

**Tommy:** What the-- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

**Wilbur:** Death is a social construct.

**Tubbo:** I think I’m having a mid-life crisis.

**Schlatt:** You’re like 16 years old.

**Tubbo:** I MIGHT DIE AT 32!

**Philza:** So what’s for dinner?

**Ranboo, staring at the food he just burnt:** Regret.

**Philza:** There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

**Wilbur:** Have everyone stand.

**Tubbo:** Bring three more chairs!

**Tommy:** The most important ones can sit down.

**Technoblade:** Kill three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is marked as complete because each chapter is technically a standalone. I'll add more to this sporadically.  
> Most quotes were taken from here: https://incorrect-quotes-generator.neocities.org/


	2. Chapter 2

**Fundy:** We both look very handsome tonight.

 **Dream:** You know, if you’d just said that I looked handsome, I would have said “so do you.”

 **Fundy:** I couldn’t take that chance.

**Ranboo:** What are we doing?

 **Tubbo:** Wasting our lives.

 **Ranboo:** I meant for lunch.

**Philza, trying to teach a young piglin Techno the rules of human society:** Name a way to be nice to others.

 **Technoblade:** Don’t kill them.

 **Philza:** Setting the bar a little low, but I’ll allow it.

**George:** I slept for almost 12 hours, but I might still be tired, so let's go for 12 more just in case.

 **Sapnap:** George, that’s a coma.

 **George:** Sounds festive.

**Tommy:** Who the fuck--

 **BadBoyHalo:** Language!

 **Tommy:** Whom the fuck--

 **BadBoyHalo:** No.

**Dream:** How much did you spend on this date?

 **Fundy:** $1,400. But all of it’s on credit cards, so it’s like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

**Ranboo:** Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.

 **Tubbo:** You and me! 

**Ranboo, tearing up:** Okay.

**Philza:** Wilbur, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

 **Wilbur:** Ooh, someone’s in trouble. It’s me. I don’t know why I did that.

**Ranboo:** Question: when they shot Bambi’s mother, did you find that. . . sad, at all?

 **Technoblade:** I’m sure she’s mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere. 

**Captain Puffy:** I personally don’t think it’s possible to come up with a crazier plan.

 **Ranboo:** We could always attack the egg with hummus.

 **Captain Puffy:** I stand corrected.

 **Ranboo:** Just keeping things in perspective.

**Skeppy:** How do tall people sleep at night when the blanket isn’t long enough to cover you?

 **BadBoyHalo:** Skeppy, it’s four o’clock in the morning.

 **Skeppy:** So, you can’t sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

**Tommy:** I guess Dream’s your new best friend now, _Iago._

**Technoblade:** I’m surprised you’ve read Othello.

 **Tommy:** What the hell is Othello? I’m calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

**Dream:** I did a bad thing.

 **George:** Does it affect me?

 **Dream:** No.

 **George:** Then suffer in silence.

**Tommy:** Am I cool or what?

 **Tubbo:** What.

 **Tommy:** I said, am I cool or--

 **Tubbo:** Yeah, I heard you.

**Technoblade:** I made tea.

 **Dream:** I don’t want tea.

 **Technoblade:** I didn’t make tea for you. This is my tea.

 **Dream:** Then why are you telling me?

 **Technoblade:** It’s a conversation starter.

 **Dream:** That’s a stupid conversation starter.

 **Technoblade:** Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.

**Tubbo:** Schlatt, I think you should play the role of my father.

 **Schlatt:** I don’t want to be your father.

 **Tubbo:** That’s perfect. You already know your lines.

**Tubbo:** I have edge.

 **Tommy:** You really don’t. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I’ve ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb.

**Sapnap:** Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on in here?!

 **George:** It’s kinda complicated, but Mexican Dream--

 **Sapnap:** Got it. Forget I asked. 

**Tommy:** I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

 **Tubbo:** Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone’s hopes up like that and then showing up again.

**Dream:** Sorry for intruding, but--

 **Technoblade:** On my house or just my life in general?

**Ghostinnit:** *kicks ‘G’ off 'Graveyard' sign*

 **Ghostinnit:** Let’s get this party started

**Wilbur:** Do you ever miss the imagination of childhood?

 **Technoblade:** I never had one.

 **Tommy:** An imagination or a childhood?

**[Philza] whispers to [Technoblade]:** you’ll machete through this!

 **[Philza] whispers to [Technoblade]:** *make it

 **[Philza] whispers to [Technoblade]:** do not machete your way through this

 **[Technoblade] whispers to [Philza]:** too late

**Philza:** You’re smiling, did something good happen?

 **Wilbur:** I can’t smile just because I feel like it?

 **Technoblade:** Tommy tripped and fell in the parking lot.

**Wilbur:** Time sensitive question, how do I flirt with someone?

 **Tubbo:** Throw rocks at them

 **Tommy:** Hot dog

 **Technoblade:** Kill them

 **Wilbur:** Thanks guys

**Tubbo:** Welcome to my very first vlog in which I try different hair products!

 **Tubbo:** *sprays hairspray into his mouth*

 **Tubbo:** Well, right off the bat I can tell you that this one is not very good

**Ghostbur:** *playing guitar*

 **Glatt:** Hey, do you take requests?

 **Ghostbur:** Sure!

 **Glatt:** Stop.

**Technoblade:** So I searched up my symptoms on Google, and it says that I might have network connectivity problems.

**Tubbo:** I’m sorry about all the stuff I said. 

**Tommy:** And for punching me in the face?

 **Tubbo:** No, you definitely deserved that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources:  
> https://incorrect-quotes-generator.neocities.org/  
> https://perchance.org/orj4a6ippo  
> https://incorrect-templates.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Sam, angrily whacking Foolish with a trident:** You _walking haystack_ , I’d say pick on someone your own size, but the trees haven’t done anything to deserve--

 **Foolish:** I don’t know where you’re trying to aim, but that’s my knee.

**Tommy** : Welcome to Applebee’s! Would you like the apples or the bees?

 **Dream** : Bees?

 **Tommy** : HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!

 **Dream** : Wait-

 **Tubbo** : *approaches, aggressively opening a jar of bees*

 **Dream** : WAIT-

**Tubbo:** If life was a game, I'd be an NPC.

 **Ranboo:** Birth is a curse and existence is a prison.

 **Tommy:** Life is a party and I’m the piñata.

 **Sam:**

**Sam:** Are you guys okay?

**Quackity:** Why are your eyes closed?

 **Karl:** So that when the world is plunged into eternal darkness my eyes have adapted and I will be prepared.

 **Quackity:** What?

 **Karl:** What?

**Tubbo, at Tommy’s funeral:** We are gathered here today, because _somebody_ couldn’t stay alive.

**Sapnap:** I have this completely under control!

 **Dream:** Is that why everything’s on fire?

**Ranboo:** No offense, but you’re insane.

 **Technoblade:** Why would I be offended? Sanity is boring.

**Philza:** dRINK THE POTION

 **Tommy:** NO NEVER I’D RATHER THROW UP AGAIN AT LEAST THAT WOULD TASTE BETTER

 **Philza:** IT’LL MAKE YOU GET HEALTHY AGAIN

 **Tommy:** I AM A CITIZEN OF L’MANBERG I DEMAND MY RIGHTS

 **Philza:** OH MY GOD YOU DEVIL CHILD JUST DRINK IT

 **Tommy:** SAY NO TO DRUGS KIDS

 **Wilbur, busting through the door:** DRUGS?

**Wilbur:** Where are the speed limit signs in this area?

 **Philza:** There aren’t any. Didn’t you know that?

 **Technoblade:** Phil, do you realize what you’ve done?

 **Philza:** Huh?

 **Wilbur:** No. Speed. Limit?

 **Technoblade:** Wilbur, don’t--

 **Wilbur:** *slams foot on gas pedal*

 **Philza:** THISWASAMISTAKETHISWASAMISTAKE!!

**George:** I hope you have a good explanation for this.

 **Dream:** We have three actually.

 **Sapnap:** Pick your favorite!

**Philza:** Rise and shine!

 **Technoblade:** I will rise, but I refuse to shine.

**Tommy:** *walks into the room with watery eyes, sniffing*

 **Ghostbur:** Tommy, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?

 **Tommy:** I’m not crying, my eyes are just watery from the smoke coming off of the fire I made in the kitchen again.

**Technoblade:**

**Technoblade:** WHAT

**Skeppy:** This is bullsh--

 **BadBoyHalo:** Language!

 **Skeppy:** This is bovine excrement!

**BadBoyHalo:**

**Tommy:** Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!

**Tubbo: _*_** _throws a dictionary*_

**Tommy:** Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!

 **Dream:** Is that a challenge?

**George, yawning:** Huh? Where are we?

 **Sapnap, raising his sword as the Eggpire approaches:** Oh, good, you’re awake. Now we can all see death coming for us.

**Philza:** Try not to kill anyone by accident while I’m gone.

 **Technoblade:** I’m not an idiot, Phil. I know how to kill people on purpose.

**Dream:** I have an army.

 **Tommy:** And I have tHE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, BITCH!

**Tubbo:** The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke!

**Ghostbur:** Hey Tommy! How are you doing?

 **Tommy:** I’m living the dream!

 **Ghostbur:** Oh, that’s good!

 **Tommy:** Except it’s not my dream. It’s a dream that Stephen King once had.

**Skeppy:** ARE YOU-

 **Tubbo:** Fucking.

 **Skeppy:** KIDDING ME?! YOU-

 **Tubbo:** Fucking.

 **Skeppy:** IDIOT!

 **Sam:** . . . What was that?

 **Tubbo:** Bad said he’d stop talking to Skeppy if he kept swearing, so I’m helping him out.

**Fundy:** Am I gonna be okay?

 **Dream:** No. You’re in a relationship with me. Nothing will ever be okay.

**Philza:** How old do you think I am?

 **Technoblade:** Phil, age doesn’t matter. You can die at any time.

**Philza:**

**Sapnap:** We’re gonna wake up in less than four hours. Because of you. Why must you do this to me?

 **Quackity:** Because I love you?

_[4 hours later]_

**Sapnap, waking up:** I have access to shrimp colors. I can taste my feelings. My life hurts.

 **Quackity:**

**Sapnap:** I am going to murder you.

**Fundy:** I know Kung Fu!

 **Technoblade, raising a firework-loaded crossbow:** I know Shooting People In The Face.

**Teacher:** Michael got into a fight.

 **Ranboo:** Oh no, that’s terrible!

 **Tubbo:** Did he win?

**Dream:** You know, I just had this idea for an ASMR

 **Dream:** We could title it “L’Manberg Coffee Shop”

 **Dream:** It would literally just be cheerful music with people screaming in the background

 **Technoblade:** And explosions

 **Technoblade:** Don’t forget the explosions

_[At a party on the anniversary of the Dream SMP]_

**Philza, raising his glass:** I would like to offer a toast.

 **Philza:** I cannot believe we’ve already gone through twelve months of absolute fuckery.

 **Philza:** Cheers, boys.

**Dream:** *going through his closet* What should I change into?

 **George:** A better person.

_[Dream SMP Groupchat]_

_1:08 AM_

**Ranboo:** did you know that spiciness isn’t a taste, it’s literally just your tastebuds in pain

 **Ranboo:** does this mean that pineapples are spicy

 **Philza:** ranboo its one in the morning

 **Philza:** go to sleep

_1:33 AM_

**Ranboo:** don’t do school stay in vegetables eat your drugs

 **Dream:** dont you have to get up early tomorrow 

**Dream:** why are you still awake

_3:41 AM_

**Ranboo:** they call me the yeet machine

 **Ranboo:** because of my constant and often explosive yeeting

 **Ranboo:** the magnitude of my yeetation is inconceivable to all but the mightiest of mortals

 **Ranboo:** and the scale of such yeets is so immense that one has yet to occur within a kiloparsec of this stellar system, which is why you haven’t noticed yet

 **Dream:** ranboo what

 **Philza:** GO. TO SLEEP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon heights are a meme unto themselves  
> BadBoyHalo is 9'6 while Antfrost and FoolishG are over 20 feet tall  
> So yes several of these quotes are related to heights  
> Sources:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/incorrect+quotes?sort=top  
> https://incorrectquotesideas.tumblr.com/  
> IRL friends


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with extra footnotes. Please let me know if you like them, or if they mess with the level of humor/continuity so I can know if I should keep adding them or not.

**Skeppy:** Well

 **Skeppy:** I just learned that Philadelphia is not, in fact, a state

 **Skeppy:** My life is a lie

**Sapnap:** So I emailed this man about a thing and he responded with an email written entirely in Comic Sans

 **Dream:** Run.

**Tommy:** If I was a fruit, what would I be?

 **Philza:** A pineapple, because it contains an enzyme that breaks down proteins, similar to how you break down people's souls.

**George:** I think I just pulled a muscle.

 **Sapnap:** You can’t pull what you don’t have.

**Ghostbur:** Tommy’s here!

 **Technoblade:** I’ll go call the exterminator.

**Quackity:** Karl, I feel like I’m going to die.

 **Karl:** We’re all gonna die, Quackity.

 **Quackity:** I meant soon.

 **Karl:** So did I.

**Niki:** I wish there was a better way to deal with Tommy.

 **Jack:** There is, but we’re both too pretty for jail.

**Technoblade:** Hey, do you know the password to Tommy’s computer? 

**Wilbur:** Fuck you, Techno.

 **Technoblade:** Okay, that was undeserved.

 **Wilbur:** No, no, you misunderstood. The password is literally “fuckyoutechno”.

 **Technoblade:** Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

**Tommy, on the phone:** Alright, I’m here, open up.

 **Tubbo:** As a child, I was forced to eat dog food for dinner.

 **Tommy:**

**Tommy:** Open the fucking door--

**BadBoyHalo, gesturing to a massive Pro-Omelette poster with Puffy on it:** How stupid do you think I am?!

 **Captain Puffy:** You really want an honest answer to that?

**Tommy:** You’re fucking weird.

 **Tubbo:** And you are adequately self-aware to recognize the hypocrisy of that remark.

**Technoblade:** It’s nice to be wanted, you know?

 **Ranboo:** _Not by the law!_

**Dream:** What has this world ever done for you?! Why would you want to save it?!

 **Karl:** Because I’m one of the idiots that lives in it!

**Technoblade:** I’m tired.

 **Philza:** You’re too young to be tired.

 **Technoblade:** And you’re too old to not be dead yet, but here we are.

> _(1) Philza Minecraft's canon age is supposedly over a hundred._

**Dream:** The only time you seem honest is when you’re insulting someone!

 **Technoblade:** The only honest things I can say to you are insults.

**Ranboo:** Don’t worry! Locks are my specialty!

 **Ranboo:** *yeets a brick through the door*

> _(2)<https://youtu.be/K3lagyLWf88>_

**Tubbo:** What time is it?

 **Fundy:** Let me check.

 **Fundy:** *performs a keyboard smash at high volume*

 **Wilbur:** whO IS PLAYING THE PIANO AT 3:20 IN THE MORNING?!?!!

 **Fundy:** it’s 3:20 AM

**Captain Puffy:** We are here to learn how to treat each other with respect and dignity.

 **Captain Puffy:** SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!

**Tubbo:** God bless you.

 **Tommy:** Not lately.

**Technoblade:** Do you think all of my wanted posters are for petty theft?

 **Technoblade:** *casually wipes blood off of a stolen sword*

 **Technoblade:** Well, that’s part of it. . .

**Dream, to Sapnap:** I hope no acknowledgement of your birthday was exactly what you wanted for your birthday.

**Tommy, in exile:** Nothing left to do here but get depressed.

**Quackity:** How would you feel if I interfered with _your_ personal life!?

 **Schlatt:** I’d hate it. That’s why I cleverly have no personal life.

[The original L’manberg gang go stargazing]

 **Fundy:** Do you guys ever. . . wonder about things?

 **Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo and Eret in unison:** No.

**Ranboo:** I love disasters.

 **Ranboo:** Self love is a healthy thing.

**Tommy:** I screwed up. Big time.

 **Tubbo:** Given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

**Sam:** What happened to your nose?

 **Foolish:** I used it to break some guy’s fist.

> _(3) Foolish is a humanoid totem of undying. His skin appears to be made of gold. Punching him would most likely result in more injury to the attacker than Foolish himself._

**Dream:** Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

 **Technoblade:** Only if you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

**Tommy, to King Eret:** With all due respect, which is none--

**Wilbur, gesturing at the walls of Pogtopia:** Something brought you here. Fate. Destiny.

 **Technoblade, deadpan:** A horse.

**Sam, watching Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo leave:** We should stop worrying about the kids and let them lead their own lives.

 **Puffy:** Yeah. Definitely.

**Sam:**

**Puffy:**

**Sam:**

**Puffy:** . . . Do you want to follow them, or should I?

 **Sam:** Let’s both do it.

**Technoblade, being chased by DreamXD:** WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I’VE NEVER BROKEN ANY OF YOUR STUPID RULES!

 **Technoblade:** . . . in front of you.

**Ranboo:** So like

 **Ranboo:** Everything is real and we have to deal with it, huh?

**Ranboo:**

**Ranboo:** This sucks.

**Philza, sending Wilbur and Tommy off to the Dream SMP:** Wilbur, please keep an eye on Tommy. He’s gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched.

 **Wilbur:** Sure, I’d love to see Tommy get punched.

 **Philza:**

**Wilbur:** Fine. I will stop Tommy from getting punched.

 **Philza:** Good. Have fun, boys!

_[Dream, George, and Sapnap, playing a word game:]_

**Dream:** Okay, I’ll add on to your ‘t’ to make ‘at’. 

**George:** Good one! I’ll add on to your ‘at’ to make ‘rat’.

 **Sapnap:** I will add on to your ‘rat’ to make ‘biostratigraphic’.

**Dream:**

**George:**

**Sapnap:**

**Dream:** *calmly gets up and walks out of the room* 

**Dream, from the other room:** _NOPE!_

**Technoblade:** *making fun of DreamXD*

 **Philza:** He’s probably gone, but let’s not taunt him, okay? There’s a little thing called irony, where just as you say one thing like you’re really sure about it, that’s when the opposite happens.

 **Technoblade:** Nah. Maybe that’s how things work in stories, but in the real world--

**DreamXD, fading ominously back into existence:**

**Technoblade:** I WAS JOKING! IT WAS A JOKE!

**Captain Puffy:** It’s hard being the mom friend sometimes, but I love my friends and that’s what matters.

 **Tubbo:** Puffy! I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and it broke everything!

 **Captain Puffy:**

**Tubbo:** We’re screwed.

 **Tommy:** Don’t just-- don’t just give up! Come on, we can make it out of this! Be positive!

 **Tubbo, in an upbeat tone:** We’re screwed!

**Dream:** No, it would be against my moral compass.

 **Sapnap:** Your moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel!

**Tubbo:** Gotta love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab your eyes out. I can make mittens.

 **Ranboo:** . . . What was that middle part?

 **Tubbo:** I can make a hat.

**Dream:** I know Tommy is here, Techno.

 **Chat:** _Play dumb._

 **Technoblade:** Who’s Tommy?

 **Chat:** _Not that dumb!_

**Ghostbur:** Please, Glatt! Techno‘s gonna be home any minute now and if he sees this, he’s going to think I’m an idiot!

 **Glatt:** And this would be news to him _how?_

**Ranboo:** Can we normalize wearing sunglasses indoors?

 **Eret:** I mean I’d be happy to, but why?

 **Ranboo:** So I never have to make eye contact again.

**Eret:**

**Technoblade, filling in the Ender portal to make a table:** I know what I’m doing.

 **Philza, glancing at a bewildered DreamXD:** Techno, even _god_ doesn’t know what you’re doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday, so I speedran this for fun. And then I watched last night's stream, and may I say, _what the frick, Quackity._  
>  Of course everything bad happens on the Sixteenth :D  
> Sources:  
> https://yetanotherincorrectquotes.tumblr.com/  
> fuocogo, plasticlove1984, dykecrowley on Tumblr  
> IRL Friends


End file.
